anticipating the cramp

airports, frustration, security. sigh. headed for our destination this morning did not start out as ideal due to the un-pleasantry of the the security check. nevertheless: we made it through and made it to the gate as they were wrapping up the boarding. once we settled into our claustrophobic and cramped airplane seats, i fidgeted and fussed until i could maintain the illusion of comfortable, although i was quite aware that nothing i did would truly satisfy my butt or my back. 

nevertheless, once we began to taxi the runway - i noticed the line of airplanes rounding the curve ahead of us and behind us, each waiting his turn to press full speed and lift to the skies above. it was a strange, amusing and it made me think. 

what if our adventure required and included patient anticipation? would we really feel the same passion that drives our very core? i'm not suggesting that chaos must exist for one to experience life in full. in fact i am suggesting that some middle ground is often necessary and welcome. and sometimes, we have to wait our turn for the next big thing.

i'm not being terribly clear? let me rephrase. often times in our life we find that we are the "verge of something," but never really taking off. we become frustrated and even feel as if our life is too mundane. but perhaps that is just the wrong perspective. perhaps our turn is coming and because we're too caught in the frustration of "not getting anywhere"- we miss the thrill of the take off. and because we've missed the take off, it's possible that we will not recognize when we have reached our destination. and of course, as such, we may never really reach our goal and therefore be constantly "stuck." 

in other words: enjoy the process. 

like the giant aircraft i watched, steadily taking it's turn to push down the runway, each person will experience a time of waiting, a slow step forward. and with our eyes upfront, instead of to the side or behind- we will get that chance to speed up and fly high. 

and i have to say: i'm so glad we made it to california-  and out of those cramped squares they call "seats."

"surrealism is myself"

today, i had the privilege of seeing the late works of, artistic genius, salvador dali. though, the style changed and even progressed, the imagery did not. i also found his photographic collaborations with philippe halsman fascinating and was thoroughly impressed with how many pieces dali incorporated his wife. there are a few new pieces that i had not seen that i can certainly add to my collection of favorites- one being in voluptate mors - which dali used seven naked women to form the shape of skull. the artistic piece itself was done in charcoal while halsman is credited for the photo of a tuxedo-top hat dressed dali next to the posed women. i even find it rather comedic. another i found rather fascinating was a drawing that appeared to have the madonna and child subtly encompassed in an atomic explosion, dated 1957. unfortunately, i do not recall the name of work- but it was intriguing. of course, there was some odd interest when i noticed a rather abstract piece hanging on the wall toward the end of the exhibition - and as i studied it wondering why it seemed like a familiar shape (or something like it and surrounded by artistic color and design), i realized that i must be looking at what seemed to be a, well, "private work of art." (awkward? perhaps.) as i got closer the description on the wall, lo and behold- it was entitled: topological contortion of a female figure becoming a violoncello. certainly, due to dali's interests later in life, i can imagine that the work has its own significance. and my interpretation of its presentation is simple and i'm sure the snobby critics would tell me i'm ridiculous. but hey, the exhibit was beautiful, and because it was mr. dali, it was also rather amusing.

Window Pain: Don't Just Stand There

it's become the current controversial video. eminem and rhianna band together for a music video that scratches deep into the intensity of domestic violence. the song carries and eerie and even beautiful melody but the controversy swirls around two people who have experienced, participate in the pain of it's lyrics. while some believe that eminem writes the song as a glare on his problems with former wife kimberly anne scott- who he has divorced twice; eminem stated in an interview that he wrote the song, partially, with rhianna in mind- and unsure whether or not she would come on board. nevertheless, the video has raised flags. why? mostly because the song offers no real resolution in the end and because the video uses glitzy actors and therefore the violence seems glorified. others want to know why rhianna would sing such a song in the aftermath of her tumultuous relationship with chris brown.

but i would like to add a few things here, and why, i can at least appreciate - perhaps the unclear message- and it's surrounding issues. first and foremost, everyone knows that eminem likes to rile up his audience, and in this case, i think it's a fine piece to get people talking- about the ramifications of domestic violence. his intention or not, let's take it for what it is. it's important to note that meagan fox, who stars in the video - has donated all of the money that she would receive to a woman's shelter - one that takes in and caters to victims. finally, for the video itself: it may be "hollywood quality" - as is any war or complicated depiction in film (it's what they do) - and rhianna may even still be suffering some of the pain she endured in her recent relationship, but sometimes, pain can create - artistic things not only in the lives of it's audience, but call attention to those that need to hear it  for their own good and turn something wretched into something beautiful.

it's true, the video doesn't offer that happy ending we all want and crave. but who's to say that it couldn't inspire those who suffer to take steps toward bravery, and a deeper healing? the fact is the abused do run back to their abuser many times before they develop enough strength to leave. the love, the hate- it's all there, and it.is.terrifying. it's a sad truth- but real. there are a plethora of both women and men who swallow domestic violence in their homes each and every day-  this is what it looks like and sometimes worse. so why not ask: how can we help them out of the pit they are in? and what message should we be offering- perhaps one of hope, perhaps one of love....?

those who live and have lived in such desperate situations have done so alone in the dark and in confusion. maybe it's time they know they're not alone anymore and maybe it's time to promote a discussion that, while difficult, is often ignored. perhaps such a shocking video and touchy subject can be the very thing to say- "this is the way [out]...walk in it."

"therefore i am going to allure her; i will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.
there, i will give her back her vineyards, and make the valley of achor [trouble] a door of hope. there, she will sing as in the days of her youth..."
hosea 2.14-15

click here for the national domestic violence hot-line website

pennies-a-fleeting

"i suddenly found myself alone in the street with no money. my last dollar was gone.
I walked five miles up colfax to my comfortable bed...the nights in denver are cool, and i slept like a log."

(pg45, on the road, kerouac)

there's something about it, being on the road, swirling in adventure- and not having a single penny to your name. it's the plight of the "starving artist." It's the fateful case for writers and actors and musicians- who all want to tell the world about...well, something. and on a quest for the next big thing to apply our imaginative skills toward, we run out necessary pieces of paper, the punitive nickels & dimes that make life tick. because, why not? we need a beer along the way, or a pretty hunny to share it with. but isn't that what makes it all worth it?

i love the idea of adventure. i love the moments of throwing cares out the window for a good laugh and grand piece of artwork. it's the design of my life and i can sleep soundly knowing that even when my journey isn't glamorous...it is epic. and i wouldn't trade one moment.

so what does an epic life look like? well- how about the time i didn't have a car and had to walk to campus? i met a few homeless and hippies- we ate pbj. or how about the time i left behind a small beach town for the big bad city (ok, so maybe it's not HUGE)? then of course there were the 24 hour trips to the beach to listen to a friend tell me all about her joey kramer drum stick. or there's the friend, i know, who saw killer whales in the wild and the family member who made a 20-driving trip (instead of flying) across the country, for the heck of it and then again, once upon a time- i slept on a dirt floor in a mountain village just after consuming the tastiest pork i'd ever eaten.

certainly, yes, there was the time when i ran out of cash and had wait tables at a bar or the friend who left the cool of denver because of a partner's discrepancies. and once i totaled a car and didn't have to have my spleen removed (such a strange organ). there, of course, was a moment in life when i worked full-time, went to school full-time and ate bagels and chedder for dinner.

but you know what? i still made time to climb mountain and watch a meteor shower. i still found it possible to skip along the ocean shoreline in the dark. and oh, how fascinating!  all of those days and moments, all of those people i am surrounded by, for better and worse and changing- live a life to it's fullest extent. they are artists and people with stories and unique events that make them, make me, what we are.

no: i don't think you have to go broke to live an epic life, although you may find a few dollars missing on occasion. but when they are- how will you react? will you walk up the hill and find a way to sleep soundly?

i dare you to try it. and keep moving. the "west" is waiting.

grubby thumbs & truck-drivers

it's true, it's already been a week into august and i have not had a single update here. but that doesn't mean i have not been thinking. and on this occasion, reading. 

i began reading on the road by jack kerouac. the book is something of a "beat-classic," and while i have only begun- i find myself drawn to kerouac's curious tale of his hitch-hiking destiny to the west. drawn from his story, he discusses his experiences catching rides from various truck drivers, and anyone who had the space to spare. 

"and what a driver...hardly paid any attention to me. so i could rest my tired soul, for one of the biggest troubles, hitchhiking is having talk to innumerable people, make them feel that they didn't make a mistake picking you up..." (p14)

how often do we take pleasure in letting our soul rest, breathing silence, because we are so often trying convince another of our credibility, our person-hood and our worth? or perhaps, how often are we on the other side- the person testing another? 

the journey of our lives, the road we travel is busy. like the man sticking his grubby thumb out for a ride, we are drooling for adventure. and it is good. a trip out west. but we forget along the way? a little rest is needed - a soul without obligation. to trust and to be trusted, the safety, the rest, the peace that comes is ever so necessary. 

it is something- that i do not wish to forget. soon, i will take my own trip out west. and it will be exciting and adventurous and swirl with amazing things i've never done before, and guarantee i will want to do again. but in the midst of it all- a moment to inhale the still will be more than required. it is the perspective of life and the joy of rejuvenation. 

i have known truck drivers, and even have an uncle in the profession. i can only imagine his time on the road is filled with contemplation. 

and like him, those like him, and jack kerouac- the road can be exhausting. and the fumes we live on: whether it be financially or the energy- need a moment for our minds to clear and our souls to settle. the west is still there and we will arrive, but in order for it to be so in the fullest capacity, we must find the air to breathe.