anticipating the cramp

airports, frustration, security. sigh. headed for our destination this morning did not start out as ideal due to the un-pleasantry of the the security check. nevertheless: we made it through and made it to the gate as they were wrapping up the boarding. once we settled into our claustrophobic and cramped airplane seats, i fidgeted and fussed until i could maintain the illusion of comfortable, although i was quite aware that nothing i did would truly satisfy my butt or my back. 

nevertheless, once we began to taxi the runway - i noticed the line of airplanes rounding the curve ahead of us and behind us, each waiting his turn to press full speed and lift to the skies above. it was a strange, amusing and it made me think. 

what if our adventure required and included patient anticipation? would we really feel the same passion that drives our very core? i'm not suggesting that chaos must exist for one to experience life in full. in fact i am suggesting that some middle ground is often necessary and welcome. and sometimes, we have to wait our turn for the next big thing.

i'm not being terribly clear? let me rephrase. often times in our life we find that we are the "verge of something," but never really taking off. we become frustrated and even feel as if our life is too mundane. but perhaps that is just the wrong perspective. perhaps our turn is coming and because we're too caught in the frustration of "not getting anywhere"- we miss the thrill of the take off. and because we've missed the take off, it's possible that we will not recognize when we have reached our destination. and of course, as such, we may never really reach our goal and therefore be constantly "stuck." 

in other words: enjoy the process. 

like the giant aircraft i watched, steadily taking it's turn to push down the runway, each person will experience a time of waiting, a slow step forward. and with our eyes upfront, instead of to the side or behind- we will get that chance to speed up and fly high. 

and i have to say: i'm so glad we made it to california-  and out of those cramped squares they call "seats."

"surrealism is myself"

today, i had the privilege of seeing the late works of, artistic genius, salvador dali. though, the style changed and even progressed, the imagery did not. i also found his photographic collaborations with philippe halsman fascinating and was thoroughly impressed with how many pieces dali incorporated his wife. there are a few new pieces that i had not seen that i can certainly add to my collection of favorites- one being in voluptate mors - which dali used seven naked women to form the shape of skull. the artistic piece itself was done in charcoal while halsman is credited for the photo of a tuxedo-top hat dressed dali next to the posed women. i even find it rather comedic. another i found rather fascinating was a drawing that appeared to have the madonna and child subtly encompassed in an atomic explosion, dated 1957. unfortunately, i do not recall the name of work- but it was intriguing. of course, there was some odd interest when i noticed a rather abstract piece hanging on the wall toward the end of the exhibition - and as i studied it wondering why it seemed like a familiar shape (or something like it and surrounded by artistic color and design), i realized that i must be looking at what seemed to be a, well, "private work of art." (awkward? perhaps.) as i got closer the description on the wall, lo and behold- it was entitled: topological contortion of a female figure becoming a violoncello. certainly, due to dali's interests later in life, i can imagine that the work has its own significance. and my interpretation of its presentation is simple and i'm sure the snobby critics would tell me i'm ridiculous. but hey, the exhibit was beautiful, and because it was mr. dali, it was also rather amusing.

Window Pain: Don't Just Stand There

it's become the current controversial video. eminem and rhianna band together for a music video that scratches deep into the intensity of domestic violence. the song carries and eerie and even beautiful melody but the controversy swirls around two people who have experienced, participate in the pain of it's lyrics. while some believe that eminem writes the song as a glare on his problems with former wife kimberly anne scott- who he has divorced twice; eminem stated in an interview that he wrote the song, partially, with rhianna in mind- and unsure whether or not she would come on board. nevertheless, the video has raised flags. why? mostly because the song offers no real resolution in the end and because the video uses glitzy actors and therefore the violence seems glorified. others want to know why rhianna would sing such a song in the aftermath of her tumultuous relationship with chris brown.

but i would like to add a few things here, and why, i can at least appreciate - perhaps the unclear message- and it's surrounding issues. first and foremost, everyone knows that eminem likes to rile up his audience, and in this case, i think it's a fine piece to get people talking- about the ramifications of domestic violence. his intention or not, let's take it for what it is. it's important to note that meagan fox, who stars in the video - has donated all of the money that she would receive to a woman's shelter - one that takes in and caters to victims. finally, for the video itself: it may be "hollywood quality" - as is any war or complicated depiction in film (it's what they do) - and rhianna may even still be suffering some of the pain she endured in her recent relationship, but sometimes, pain can create - artistic things not only in the lives of it's audience, but call attention to those that need to hear it  for their own good and turn something wretched into something beautiful.

it's true, the video doesn't offer that happy ending we all want and crave. but who's to say that it couldn't inspire those who suffer to take steps toward bravery, and a deeper healing? the fact is the abused do run back to their abuser many times before they develop enough strength to leave. the love, the hate- it's all there, and it.is.terrifying. it's a sad truth- but real. there are a plethora of both women and men who swallow domestic violence in their homes each and every day-  this is what it looks like and sometimes worse. so why not ask: how can we help them out of the pit they are in? and what message should we be offering- perhaps one of hope, perhaps one of love....?

those who live and have lived in such desperate situations have done so alone in the dark and in confusion. maybe it's time they know they're not alone anymore and maybe it's time to promote a discussion that, while difficult, is often ignored. perhaps such a shocking video and touchy subject can be the very thing to say- "this is the way [out]...walk in it."

"therefore i am going to allure her; i will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.
there, i will give her back her vineyards, and make the valley of achor [trouble] a door of hope. there, she will sing as in the days of her youth..."
hosea 2.14-15

click here for the national domestic violence hot-line website

pennies-a-fleeting

"i suddenly found myself alone in the street with no money. my last dollar was gone.
I walked five miles up colfax to my comfortable bed...the nights in denver are cool, and i slept like a log."

(pg45, on the road, kerouac)

there's something about it, being on the road, swirling in adventure- and not having a single penny to your name. it's the plight of the "starving artist." It's the fateful case for writers and actors and musicians- who all want to tell the world about...well, something. and on a quest for the next big thing to apply our imaginative skills toward, we run out necessary pieces of paper, the punitive nickels & dimes that make life tick. because, why not? we need a beer along the way, or a pretty hunny to share it with. but isn't that what makes it all worth it?

i love the idea of adventure. i love the moments of throwing cares out the window for a good laugh and grand piece of artwork. it's the design of my life and i can sleep soundly knowing that even when my journey isn't glamorous...it is epic. and i wouldn't trade one moment.

so what does an epic life look like? well- how about the time i didn't have a car and had to walk to campus? i met a few homeless and hippies- we ate pbj. or how about the time i left behind a small beach town for the big bad city (ok, so maybe it's not HUGE)? then of course there were the 24 hour trips to the beach to listen to a friend tell me all about her joey kramer drum stick. or there's the friend, i know, who saw killer whales in the wild and the family member who made a 20-driving trip (instead of flying) across the country, for the heck of it and then again, once upon a time- i slept on a dirt floor in a mountain village just after consuming the tastiest pork i'd ever eaten.

certainly, yes, there was the time when i ran out of cash and had wait tables at a bar or the friend who left the cool of denver because of a partner's discrepancies. and once i totaled a car and didn't have to have my spleen removed (such a strange organ). there, of course, was a moment in life when i worked full-time, went to school full-time and ate bagels and chedder for dinner.

but you know what? i still made time to climb mountain and watch a meteor shower. i still found it possible to skip along the ocean shoreline in the dark. and oh, how fascinating!  all of those days and moments, all of those people i am surrounded by, for better and worse and changing- live a life to it's fullest extent. they are artists and people with stories and unique events that make them, make me, what we are.

no: i don't think you have to go broke to live an epic life, although you may find a few dollars missing on occasion. but when they are- how will you react? will you walk up the hill and find a way to sleep soundly?

i dare you to try it. and keep moving. the "west" is waiting.

grubby thumbs & truck-drivers

it's true, it's already been a week into august and i have not had a single update here. but that doesn't mean i have not been thinking. and on this occasion, reading. 

i began reading on the road by jack kerouac. the book is something of a "beat-classic," and while i have only begun- i find myself drawn to kerouac's curious tale of his hitch-hiking destiny to the west. drawn from his story, he discusses his experiences catching rides from various truck drivers, and anyone who had the space to spare. 

"and what a driver...hardly paid any attention to me. so i could rest my tired soul, for one of the biggest troubles, hitchhiking is having talk to innumerable people, make them feel that they didn't make a mistake picking you up..." (p14)

how often do we take pleasure in letting our soul rest, breathing silence, because we are so often trying convince another of our credibility, our person-hood and our worth? or perhaps, how often are we on the other side- the person testing another? 

the journey of our lives, the road we travel is busy. like the man sticking his grubby thumb out for a ride, we are drooling for adventure. and it is good. a trip out west. but we forget along the way? a little rest is needed - a soul without obligation. to trust and to be trusted, the safety, the rest, the peace that comes is ever so necessary. 

it is something- that i do not wish to forget. soon, i will take my own trip out west. and it will be exciting and adventurous and swirl with amazing things i've never done before, and guarantee i will want to do again. but in the midst of it all- a moment to inhale the still will be more than required. it is the perspective of life and the joy of rejuvenation. 

i have known truck drivers, and even have an uncle in the profession. i can only imagine his time on the road is filled with contemplation. 

and like him, those like him, and jack kerouac- the road can be exhausting. and the fumes we live on: whether it be financially or the energy- need a moment for our minds to clear and our souls to settle. the west is still there and we will arrive, but in order for it to be so in the fullest capacity, we must find the air to breathe. 

just for now

the end of the month has come and i have to say, it's turned out fairly well. let's see: i've taken a few night swims, played silly games at an arcade, taken pictures on a playground, seen one of the best films i've seen in a long time (inception), had my bagel eaten by a dog and done just a tad bit of traveling to see my grandparents- which involved interesting conversation and tales i never knew. coming in august? well, a fascinating salvador dali exhibition comes to the museum, i'm headed to california to taste wine and surf the waves, reading authors such as jack kerouac and hunter s. thompson...and perhaps a trip to water world, the weather is sizzling, after all. 

but right now, i have to admit that i'd rather time just stop. have you ever had those moments? everything seems to fit, and yet a camera is just not savvy or wide enough to capture it. that's about how it feels right now. oh, of course, who wants anything to stay the exact same forever? no one. but if there was a way to make a moment last, hold onto it's goodness, i suppose that is what i would wish for right now. 

i suppose it is these moments that i become most introverted and contemplative. it is in these moments that i find myself formulating and in such a way that rests. whatever my thoughts, no matter their count, seem to come and go at ease. ideas are able to become just a little clearer and i can grasp how to approach the next movement i make. it is not confusing- it just is- and the contentment is just there. there is no worry of what action i will jump to- i'm not thinking about that part.

richard rohr says, "contentment is from within...not expecting the future to be any different than it is right now." 

and i would have to say, "yeah, it's like that..."

proper religion, part 2

in time past: when did it become the norm for religious thinkers to impose their interpretation of their religion on the politics they practice? this is not to say that a man's personal persuasions will never influence his political vote or view, and that's fine~ but to turn away from the heart of love in order to force others into that persuasion is as dark as the sin they claim punishable by law or persecution. 

but let me be more clear: when addressing the cause of christ's life: one must be fully aware that he never involved himself in the political upheaval of his day. rather; he reached the heart of the people, on a deeply personal level- that they would know love. what's more, is everyone that encountered him- had a choice to receive him or not. no one was forced. and everyone was forgiven. he walked a mile in the shoes of all, and still he loved without prejudice. 

i believe we are living in a time, like the catholic charasmatic renewal, 30-some years ago, where the face of religion is expanding once again. i believe we are in a generation that is seeing and approaching God above with new eyes and new discoveries. this does not mean that those who would follow their evangelical traditions more closely are wretched people, nor does it mean that their traditions are wrong- they are not! but - there is a generation that is finding that God is more than the big band and the cliq of the mega church- it is a generation that is expounding on the purposes of heaven in the coffee shop, in the streets, over a bbq, or even over smoking a pipe and sharing photographs. 

the hands and feet of jesus are desperate to be in the earth, not in the church the building. they are desperate to care for the earth, be among nature and find God in all that he creates, not just what is mandated by the church, which is run by men's interpretations. not only so, but the expansion and value for social justice in the earth has exploded- and this, i believe is right and good. this is the compassion that is necessary and desired by the One who established the universe.

it is the renewal of a faith and a discovery of a generation. by no means is it intended to harp on the previous generations findings, but it must be allowed- and to those who oppose- let it be. this generation only wants to "go into all the world..."

"at least i'm living"

"i have  to have something so that when i don't have any ideas and i'm not getting anywhere, i can say to myself, "at least i'm living; at least i'm doing something; i'm making some contribution." - it's just psychological." --richard p. feynman 

or is it? in most cases, i think the answer is yes- both/and or perhaps non of the above. confused? don't be.

in the society we live in today, boredom is not acceptable. the buzz of everyday life is prevalent to one's worthiness that it's self depressing when we're not doing anything- that is to say- a little contemplation and peace of mind is down right --a crime. and it should not be. why? because it is vital and necessary. we all need to "re-charge" and burning out is never a profitable feeling.

however- letting the world pass us by when we could making an impact is just as great of a misfortune. and it can be just as much a self-loathing experience when one finds themselves bitter and grave toward the world- offering nothing- and not recognizing the power within them to give something.

"it was effortless. it was easy to play with these things. it was like uncorking a bottle: everything flowed out effortlessly. i almost tried to resist it! there was no importance to what i was doing, but ultimately there was. the diagrams and the whole business that i got the noble prize for came from that piddling around..." --richard p. feynman

my friends, i believe that when we realize just who we are- and just what our capacity truly is- nothing is impossible. what's more is that when we find something we're sincerely passionate about and when we let go of the worry of trying to please everybody, the work itself becomes effortless and we are able to accomplish great things, even if we think it's just a little "messing around." in some form it can and will contribute to the world.

between the first and last sentences of that chapter: feynman explained that he had faced a time while at cornell university where, frankly, he was burnt out. and the offers he was getting from other colleges were daunting, particularly because they were expecting something of him, he did not think, he could truly provide. nevertheless; he realized that he couldn't worry about living up to their expectations that truly, he just wanted to "play" with physics. by this: his enjoyment and passion for what he did returned.

i find his process inspiring. certainly there are times when we all feel stuck in a rut. but rather than sitting idle and frustrated, not to detract from times of needed rest, why not "piddle" around and just see what beautiful things pour out of us? it just might make a difference ...all the way around.

...a mantra: a series in water, 2

proper religion - part 1

last week, i sat with my grandfather (pa-pa) as he recounted stories to me about the catholic charismatic renewal in the 1970s. he and my grandmother were at the center of it in lima, ohio and there were plenty of traditionalists that did not approve. but one story struck me more than the others- and that was his account of my other grandfather, bob gallagher (who has been gone for several years). pa-pa told me that while many traditionalists were unhappy at their group's charismatic exploration: mr. gallagher was the only one of them that was not. in fact, his comment was something along the lines of, "they only want to pray, leave them alone."

call me sentimental, but to hear one grandfather praise the other with such honor about a time that seemed to invite tension among church members, meant a great deal. 

it seems to me, over the centuries- that division, in the church, is often caused by self-agenda. every denomination and sect of christiantity (and it happens in most religions)- has it's own interpretation of the the scriptures and practices necessary to lead a holy life. diverging from means ridicule and condemnation. what most forget is that Jesus' invitation was to all and he never made it political. truly religion in the hands of man is corrupt. and i am a firm believer that each generation must decide for itself how to be the hands and feet of Jesus among it's own. that doesn't mean that one way is more perfect than the other, and one won't make mistakes. but i do believe that God wants every to explore him the fullest extent- which also means we must be receptive to where another person is, that we may not be- that is extend a heart of graciousness.

knowing that two groups of people in the same body were at such interrogating odds- is saddening. but it happened. as it did with martin luther and many other radicals over time in church history (against charismatic and evangelical sectors too) that have stood up against tradition. no, this is not to say that tradition is bad, it is not! and it can be comforting, uplifting, sentimental and welcoming.  but that does not mean change cannot happen for those in need of it. and it does not mean that a generation of people cannot explore the essence of their Creator in such a way that will move them, and sweep their peers toward higher and better in a life of Christ. 

i have one grandfather who did just that. and another who patiently stayed with what he knew all his life. and both are (were) men who gave everything they had to One who gave them a name. each came out on top as a  man who impacted his world, and accomplished great things in the earth- on the account of others to the Glory of Above. and to each, i say: thank you...