merry christmas

Project Homeless: Citizen's Groove

It seems that no matter the city I reside in – the very core of it can be overwhelming and certainly San Diego has its groove. From the glitz to the poor – there is activity everywhere and it doesn't seem to stop. People coming and going – looking for an answer to their complicated lives.

Amazing to me are the number of homeless I encounter every day, more so than anywhere I have lived yet. There are entire blocks that are lined with shopping carts – overflowing with possessions, recycling, trash and all covered with blue tarps and blankets. There are people – couples too, spread here or there in the middle of a sidewalk with their sleeping-bags and blankets.

The sight is one that is heartbreaking to see - “God bless” and a cheerful “Merry Christmas” do not 

ever seem to be enough. Nevertheless, - if all one can do is offer a kind word, I can only imagine they are grateful to be recognized.

Their livelihood is desperate during this season. It's cold and wet (in most of the world) and their hiding place is harder to find. But if you're one that rarely has a quarter or dime in your pocket – remember that a nod and a hello can go a long way. They, too, are our neighbors and they too understand the season's urgency - and the longing for it's peace.

Free The Press!

"I sat there a long time, and thought about a lot of things. Foremost among them was the suspicion that my strange and ungovernable instincts might do me in before I had a chance to get rich. No matter how much I wanted all those things that I needed money to buy, there was some devilish current push me off in another direction – toward anarchy and poverty and craziness.” (H.S. Thompson)

Such is the life of a journalist. It's true!


“Curiosity killed the Cat,” is a serious understatement for someone who seeks to discover the world. Whether it be investigative questions or evaluating, intensely, acquired information: the journalist knows no rest, no fortune nor any alliance. At least, this is their intended purpose.


Several weeks ago, a man by the name of Ted Koppel wrote an op-ed piece for the Washington Post coming down on the likes of FOX News and MSNBC. Though not flawless, the old time journalist had valuable things to say in the face of current media standards. In short – such broadcast networks are throwing away the pursuit and delivery of fact-based-journalism. Rather: they are corporations, one to the right, one to the left – that are touting for their audience an opinion they hope will be bought – at the price of truth.


Koppel noted that 30/40 years ago, though every journalist has their own strong opinion, the networks, the newspapers stumbled over their persuasions to deliver a story that often had many sides. The audience had only one task: decide for themselves how they felt about it. And in the modern age, a vicious cycle tit for tat has taken place to feed the audience what they should think and in turn the audience demands it.


But I find that those truly passionate about story-telling, do so in a way that makes the world a fair and just place. In the US, this means that the First Amendment becomes a clear ambition – a right that is defended and defined. Oh, it's true – FOX and MSNBC, they are using their First Amendment right, but they are also calling themselves “fair” press and they are
not.


Hunter S. Thompson, while out of his mind, most of the time, is revered by journalists for a reason: he integrated himself so far into the stories he covered – that you were only left with plot and the characters. Your distaste or your pleasure came from your observances, not because you were told.


No riches or wealth ever truly came from telling other people's stories. Rather, more appropriately, it was a passionate business that kept it's constituents in the brink of drama – and gained them public respect. 


This is not to say a journalist is not worth their time or their story per word and page, but it does mean, that the average journalist doesn't enter the profession for the flare of money falling off trees, no matter how nice that would that be for all the stuff we thing we need.


And it must be noted that we are living in a generation that feels the pains of sensational media news rather than special interest stories and investigative or critical thinking and the presentation of facts.


Where it will go: only time will tell. But certainly I set out to do journalism the write way - the way that inspired our Founding Fathers to establish my right to do it - and present each story as it is - to the best of my ability, then? Let you decide. 


My instincts are wild and take me to absurd places where outrageous people have insane ideas, but certainly nothing is out reach or impossible - and because of that alone, while it might rustle a few feathers, or "do me in before I had the chance to get rich," - I go after it anyway.

Take a Breath

"What decreases in a culture of affluence is precisely and strangely...time
-- along with wisdom and friendship." (Richard Rohr)

Time...how many opportunities in a day do you take just for...time? Those few moments to yourself where the small desperate prayer escapes your lips? Or perhaps that breath you needed during an anxious moment and didn't bother to acknowledge? The society we live in inhales busyness as if it could possibly go out of style. And each and every being that buys it – knows no exhale. It is suffocating.

Yet if you, if I – would just take a minute and let all the stress of the day pass, even if only for a moment, perhaps the peace the heart craves would exist continuously.

As of late: I have been forced to embrace those moments of time – it seems I didn't take advantage of its presence before. So, now, as I search for daily solutions to my nuances, I am confronted with the need, with the ability to avert my eyes outward and my thoughts toward forceful, crashing white waves. Perhaps it is the season beckoning me to remember what it is in the earth right now. Or perhaps, it is calling for me to still – and release, whether it lasts a minute or a day...it is time and beauty that can be the most rejuvenating and it demands my attention.

Watching the film, Anna & The King, last night, there is a moment, when she becomes flustered as to why she was not rushed to a promised home outside the palace walls. The Prime Minister responded, “In Siam, everything has it's own time.”

It is this idea that not everything is meant for a rush. Not every moment needs to be “busy” with stuff or events. And not every occasion must be surrounded by others. Rather, to be alone, and in an order that defies chaos – such carries a commanding authority that can release grace and clarity.

So in this season that celebrates the coming of Greatness, as you hustle to keep the Grinch from stealing Santa Claus: remember that small family in the barn – who's time was a breath, a moment of release and quiet, - bringing clarity to the world - one subjected to the insanity of busy-work.   

anticipating the cramp

airports, frustration, security. sigh. headed for our destination this morning did not start out as ideal due to the un-pleasantry of the the security check. nevertheless: we made it through and made it to the gate as they were wrapping up the boarding. once we settled into our claustrophobic and cramped airplane seats, i fidgeted and fussed until i could maintain the illusion of comfortable, although i was quite aware that nothing i did would truly satisfy my butt or my back. 

nevertheless, once we began to taxi the runway - i noticed the line of airplanes rounding the curve ahead of us and behind us, each waiting his turn to press full speed and lift to the skies above. it was a strange, amusing and it made me think. 

what if our adventure required and included patient anticipation? would we really feel the same passion that drives our very core? i'm not suggesting that chaos must exist for one to experience life in full. in fact i am suggesting that some middle ground is often necessary and welcome. and sometimes, we have to wait our turn for the next big thing.

i'm not being terribly clear? let me rephrase. often times in our life we find that we are the "verge of something," but never really taking off. we become frustrated and even feel as if our life is too mundane. but perhaps that is just the wrong perspective. perhaps our turn is coming and because we're too caught in the frustration of "not getting anywhere"- we miss the thrill of the take off. and because we've missed the take off, it's possible that we will not recognize when we have reached our destination. and of course, as such, we may never really reach our goal and therefore be constantly "stuck." 

in other words: enjoy the process. 

like the giant aircraft i watched, steadily taking it's turn to push down the runway, each person will experience a time of waiting, a slow step forward. and with our eyes upfront, instead of to the side or behind- we will get that chance to speed up and fly high. 

and i have to say: i'm so glad we made it to california-  and out of those cramped squares they call "seats."

"surrealism is myself"

today, i had the privilege of seeing the late works of, artistic genius, salvador dali. though, the style changed and even progressed, the imagery did not. i also found his photographic collaborations with philippe halsman fascinating and was thoroughly impressed with how many pieces dali incorporated his wife. there are a few new pieces that i had not seen that i can certainly add to my collection of favorites- one being in voluptate mors - which dali used seven naked women to form the shape of skull. the artistic piece itself was done in charcoal while halsman is credited for the photo of a tuxedo-top hat dressed dali next to the posed women. i even find it rather comedic. another i found rather fascinating was a drawing that appeared to have the madonna and child subtly encompassed in an atomic explosion, dated 1957. unfortunately, i do not recall the name of work- but it was intriguing. of course, there was some odd interest when i noticed a rather abstract piece hanging on the wall toward the end of the exhibition - and as i studied it wondering why it seemed like a familiar shape (or something like it and surrounded by artistic color and design), i realized that i must be looking at what seemed to be a, well, "private work of art." (awkward? perhaps.) as i got closer the description on the wall, lo and behold- it was entitled: topological contortion of a female figure becoming a violoncello. certainly, due to dali's interests later in life, i can imagine that the work has its own significance. and my interpretation of its presentation is simple and i'm sure the snobby critics would tell me i'm ridiculous. but hey, the exhibit was beautiful, and because it was mr. dali, it was also rather amusing.

Window Pain: Don't Just Stand There

it's become the current controversial video. eminem and rhianna band together for a music video that scratches deep into the intensity of domestic violence. the song carries and eerie and even beautiful melody but the controversy swirls around two people who have experienced, participate in the pain of it's lyrics. while some believe that eminem writes the song as a glare on his problems with former wife kimberly anne scott- who he has divorced twice; eminem stated in an interview that he wrote the song, partially, with rhianna in mind- and unsure whether or not she would come on board. nevertheless, the video has raised flags. why? mostly because the song offers no real resolution in the end and because the video uses glitzy actors and therefore the violence seems glorified. others want to know why rhianna would sing such a song in the aftermath of her tumultuous relationship with chris brown.

but i would like to add a few things here, and why, i can at least appreciate - perhaps the unclear message- and it's surrounding issues. first and foremost, everyone knows that eminem likes to rile up his audience, and in this case, i think it's a fine piece to get people talking- about the ramifications of domestic violence. his intention or not, let's take it for what it is. it's important to note that meagan fox, who stars in the video - has donated all of the money that she would receive to a woman's shelter - one that takes in and caters to victims. finally, for the video itself: it may be "hollywood quality" - as is any war or complicated depiction in film (it's what they do) - and rhianna may even still be suffering some of the pain she endured in her recent relationship, but sometimes, pain can create - artistic things not only in the lives of it's audience, but call attention to those that need to hear it  for their own good and turn something wretched into something beautiful.

it's true, the video doesn't offer that happy ending we all want and crave. but who's to say that it couldn't inspire those who suffer to take steps toward bravery, and a deeper healing? the fact is the abused do run back to their abuser many times before they develop enough strength to leave. the love, the hate- it's all there, and it.is.terrifying. it's a sad truth- but real. there are a plethora of both women and men who swallow domestic violence in their homes each and every day-  this is what it looks like and sometimes worse. so why not ask: how can we help them out of the pit they are in? and what message should we be offering- perhaps one of hope, perhaps one of love....?

those who live and have lived in such desperate situations have done so alone in the dark and in confusion. maybe it's time they know they're not alone anymore and maybe it's time to promote a discussion that, while difficult, is often ignored. perhaps such a shocking video and touchy subject can be the very thing to say- "this is the way [out]...walk in it."

"therefore i am going to allure her; i will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.
there, i will give her back her vineyards, and make the valley of achor [trouble] a door of hope. there, she will sing as in the days of her youth..."
hosea 2.14-15

click here for the national domestic violence hot-line website

pennies-a-fleeting

"i suddenly found myself alone in the street with no money. my last dollar was gone.
I walked five miles up colfax to my comfortable bed...the nights in denver are cool, and i slept like a log."

(pg45, on the road, kerouac)

there's something about it, being on the road, swirling in adventure- and not having a single penny to your name. it's the plight of the "starving artist." It's the fateful case for writers and actors and musicians- who all want to tell the world about...well, something. and on a quest for the next big thing to apply our imaginative skills toward, we run out necessary pieces of paper, the punitive nickels & dimes that make life tick. because, why not? we need a beer along the way, or a pretty hunny to share it with. but isn't that what makes it all worth it?

i love the idea of adventure. i love the moments of throwing cares out the window for a good laugh and grand piece of artwork. it's the design of my life and i can sleep soundly knowing that even when my journey isn't glamorous...it is epic. and i wouldn't trade one moment.

so what does an epic life look like? well- how about the time i didn't have a car and had to walk to campus? i met a few homeless and hippies- we ate pbj. or how about the time i left behind a small beach town for the big bad city (ok, so maybe it's not HUGE)? then of course there were the 24 hour trips to the beach to listen to a friend tell me all about her joey kramer drum stick. or there's the friend, i know, who saw killer whales in the wild and the family member who made a 20-driving trip (instead of flying) across the country, for the heck of it and then again, once upon a time- i slept on a dirt floor in a mountain village just after consuming the tastiest pork i'd ever eaten.

certainly, yes, there was the time when i ran out of cash and had wait tables at a bar or the friend who left the cool of denver because of a partner's discrepancies. and once i totaled a car and didn't have to have my spleen removed (such a strange organ). there, of course, was a moment in life when i worked full-time, went to school full-time and ate bagels and chedder for dinner.

but you know what? i still made time to climb mountain and watch a meteor shower. i still found it possible to skip along the ocean shoreline in the dark. and oh, how fascinating!  all of those days and moments, all of those people i am surrounded by, for better and worse and changing- live a life to it's fullest extent. they are artists and people with stories and unique events that make them, make me, what we are.

no: i don't think you have to go broke to live an epic life, although you may find a few dollars missing on occasion. but when they are- how will you react? will you walk up the hill and find a way to sleep soundly?

i dare you to try it. and keep moving. the "west" is waiting.

grubby thumbs & truck-drivers

it's true, it's already been a week into august and i have not had a single update here. but that doesn't mean i have not been thinking. and on this occasion, reading. 

i began reading on the road by jack kerouac. the book is something of a "beat-classic," and while i have only begun- i find myself drawn to kerouac's curious tale of his hitch-hiking destiny to the west. drawn from his story, he discusses his experiences catching rides from various truck drivers, and anyone who had the space to spare. 

"and what a driver...hardly paid any attention to me. so i could rest my tired soul, for one of the biggest troubles, hitchhiking is having talk to innumerable people, make them feel that they didn't make a mistake picking you up..." (p14)

how often do we take pleasure in letting our soul rest, breathing silence, because we are so often trying convince another of our credibility, our person-hood and our worth? or perhaps, how often are we on the other side- the person testing another? 

the journey of our lives, the road we travel is busy. like the man sticking his grubby thumb out for a ride, we are drooling for adventure. and it is good. a trip out west. but we forget along the way? a little rest is needed - a soul without obligation. to trust and to be trusted, the safety, the rest, the peace that comes is ever so necessary. 

it is something- that i do not wish to forget. soon, i will take my own trip out west. and it will be exciting and adventurous and swirl with amazing things i've never done before, and guarantee i will want to do again. but in the midst of it all- a moment to inhale the still will be more than required. it is the perspective of life and the joy of rejuvenation. 

i have known truck drivers, and even have an uncle in the profession. i can only imagine his time on the road is filled with contemplation. 

and like him, those like him, and jack kerouac- the road can be exhausting. and the fumes we live on: whether it be financially or the energy- need a moment for our minds to clear and our souls to settle. the west is still there and we will arrive, but in order for it to be so in the fullest capacity, we must find the air to breathe. 

just for now

the end of the month has come and i have to say, it's turned out fairly well. let's see: i've taken a few night swims, played silly games at an arcade, taken pictures on a playground, seen one of the best films i've seen in a long time (inception), had my bagel eaten by a dog and done just a tad bit of traveling to see my grandparents- which involved interesting conversation and tales i never knew. coming in august? well, a fascinating salvador dali exhibition comes to the museum, i'm headed to california to taste wine and surf the waves, reading authors such as jack kerouac and hunter s. thompson...and perhaps a trip to water world, the weather is sizzling, after all. 

but right now, i have to admit that i'd rather time just stop. have you ever had those moments? everything seems to fit, and yet a camera is just not savvy or wide enough to capture it. that's about how it feels right now. oh, of course, who wants anything to stay the exact same forever? no one. but if there was a way to make a moment last, hold onto it's goodness, i suppose that is what i would wish for right now. 

i suppose it is these moments that i become most introverted and contemplative. it is in these moments that i find myself formulating and in such a way that rests. whatever my thoughts, no matter their count, seem to come and go at ease. ideas are able to become just a little clearer and i can grasp how to approach the next movement i make. it is not confusing- it just is- and the contentment is just there. there is no worry of what action i will jump to- i'm not thinking about that part.

richard rohr says, "contentment is from within...not expecting the future to be any different than it is right now." 

and i would have to say, "yeah, it's like that..."