Twenty Five years old. I could hardly bear it. There I was, walking downtown on a warm October's night and I saw her. She and several others were sitting in front of a jewelry store- smoking, drinking and asking everyone who walked by for spare change. Their appearances were rugged, as are most homeless, and their faces were sadly…content. The young woman who caught my eye, behind her rough and worn appearance, was beautiful. Her long, wavy brown hair was matted and her face was tatty, but her deep chocolate eyes were crying for help. I didn't have any pocket change that night, so instead I decided to sit on the ground with her and chat. Some of the others had been on the streets for years, another had recently released from jail and the young woman I took particular interest, had recently been evicted from her apartment.
As the various conversations broke throughout the group; I turned to Maria and asked her about her story. With tear-filled eyes and her chin quivering, she pulled out three wrinkled pictures. Each one was one of her children, she explained. The oldest was only four-years-old. About a year prior; her children were taken to a foster home. She admitted it was her own fault. She admitted it was because her addiction to drugs and alcohol.
Five years even before, Maria had married an older man who she often caught in one affair or another. She often walked in on him at the wrong time. She mentioned that once after and argument, in San Diego, California; he forced her and their three children out onto the streets and left them to survive for six weeks. He had been in and out of their lives as his leisure for the past five years. Sad for her oldest son, River, Maria told me that each time her husband left; River would cry over the fact that "daddy" had left again. The young boy could never understand. I was so heartbroken…
After her husband left the last time, several months prior to my meeting Maria, he was put into jail; on what accounts, she never said. What she did say was that her most recent news of him was his getting a 17 year-old-girl pregnant before going to jail.
Could this story get any worse? I thought. Unfortunately, it did.
Maria had a boyfriend, fresh out of a Community Corrections Facility. She had been so insecure in her marriage, she said, that she thought it best to fill the emptiness with another man, who never gave her that. Drunk and foolish, he beat her everyday and ended up back where he started: in prison for attempted murder, second degree.
I heard it in her voice. It was a desperate plea. She said she wanted to change. Maria had been in and out of Rehab programs for the past few years, but every single time, she retreated to drinking, heroine and morphine. She always justified her addictions; for Maria, they released her internal pain of losing her children to another family. She realized that her children probably wonder, often, if their parents even love them. She shared with me that the court allowed her to talk with the foster parents on a daily basis. She did and loved the foster mother. They encouraged her and were more than willing to help if and when they could. Maria knew her children prayed for her every night and she stated that she did not want to give up, but she admitted she just did not know how to keep going, especially now, since she was on the streets.....again....
I walked away that night, speechless and in tears. I did not know what to say. I didn’t know what to think. All I could do was pray through my sobs. I saw their pictures. I saw their beautiful faces and I saw the look of loneliness in their eyes. They may have been young. They may not have understood, but they saw it all... I did not see her again and may never see her again.
But if I could offer anything, I’m sure I would say, "I'm praying for you, Maria, please make it this time around. Your kids need you."
She was twenty-five years old. Oh Jesus....
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*This is a true story that happened me 21 October 2003. I have come to find that often the homeless are looking for our time, not just our money. They all have stories, just like we do...who are we not to listen?
**I am considering submitting this for further publishing.
what a powerful story ash. wow.
ReplyDeletegoodness... thanks so much for sharing this. so that was in 2003? that would make her about 30 years old now. I suppose you've never seen her since. i wonder how she's doing..
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